Shepperd Bay Boys~FormForAll~dVersePoets

Resharing with FormForAll at dVersePoets where Gay is presenting some wonderful poetic forms for us to play with.  



Shepperd Bay Boys

There is a town called Shepperd Bay
It's where all bad boys go
It's in the woods past Livingston
 Where fierce winds do blow.

The walls are cold and food is poor
There's punishment and fear
It's evil in its purest form
Though bibles are kept near

The boys are poor and come from homes
Where families are lost
They did their best to keep them fed
But misconstrued the cost.

They get locked up right after supp
And get told sordid tales
of devils growing in their blood
Deafened by demons' wails

They've all been branded by the cloth
And devils they've been named
For their strength and families fed
A must, but they've been shamed

The warden walks dark halls at night
And tells them how they've sinned
With fevered prayers and wrongs confessed
They can be born again.

They work them on the grounds till dark
Then they're back up at dawn
There's is a tale of misfortune
A sad and lonely song.

There is a town called Shepperd Bay
It's where few good boys are
Forgotten boys of poor bloodline
Will forever wear her scars.
2011 Natasha Head




Comments

Anonymous said…
A real dtory telli g ballad! Loved it Tash, and learned a lot about where the bad boys dwell...I wrote about naughty girls! Great minds!
Got a real C & W feel to it
Claudia said…
cool - another ballad - great you are trying the different forms natasha - very good storytelling in this one. i'm leaving the crit to monty - just a few remarks that jumped to my eyes...if you don't mind...?

stanza 1 line 4 has 7 syllables
Poisoned by demons' wails - poisoned is more trochaic than iambic - the stress is POIsoned, maybe you could find another word?
Tashtoo said…
Thanks Claudia! I think I've straightened it up a bit. Again...writing on the fly at work. (I am just soooo bad!lol) Thanks for pointing those out, much appreciated, especially the extra time it takes to help :)
Penny said…
Very nice (in the old meaning of neat and precise. A good tale, well told.
Steve Isaak said…
Fun, exact, tale-telling, effective work.
Very nice indeed, enjoyed the little read. A well told tale that didn't fail.

Keep up the nice work, now I go back to being a jerk.
Monty said…
lol great job, natasha, and how dare friend claudia for her "i'm leaving the crit to monty" lol she's caught my mistakes before lol

now. onto the work at hand :) you nailed the story telling essance of ballad's nature, I feel.
and but for a few missed rhymes, if you're a purest, such as the "sinned /again" and "dawn / song" you've kept to the form very well, natasha :)

and my heart thanks you for lending a great effort to my favorite form :) and if ever you'd feel like filtering it into even more purity, let's tinker in the forum chat a stanza at a time :)

monty / bummy
Tashtoo said…
Mr. Monty...thanks so much for your motivating words. I know I cheated a bit on the rhyme...but the next one will be even better, thanks to help from folks as awesome as you and Claudia! I've registered now at the forum, so if you have any interest at all in helping me reshape something that needs some tweaking...I'm up for it! Thanks again, you guys are most awesome :)
Monty said…
I'd love two things, and your help would be much appreciated 1) tweak'n tinker with me on this or anything you'd like 2) get the forum rolling on discussions of form.

forum's not live chat by any stretch of imagination, but leave add to chat thread with stanza or so; I'm checking it regularly now :)

monty
Anonymous said…
Superb!!
hedgewitch said…
Glad I stopped by--hadn't read this before. Really a true ballad tone to this one--definitely sad and scary both, as well as being neatly rhymed and metered. Excellent stuff, Natasha.
Bodhirose said…
Really enjoyed this and I presume it's a real place. So sad those poor boys grow up with a harsh label of being bad because of poverty and their unfortunate circumstances.

I loved every word!
Anonymous said…
this is so sad, the forgotten, the ones no one cares for, and because of this, they will cause all kinds of trouble when they are grown and released

Popular Posts