Form Monday – A Look at PROSODY
Class is in session at Onestop Poetry today, and Gay Cannon has given us a plate full, indeed! Until I discovered Onestop, the thought of learning poetic "forms" never really held any interest for me, and today, I considered passing this lesson up, but upon reflecting on the hard work that goes into this site each and every day, the least I could do is TRY...and I am only trying :) Please be gentle as you have a read of...
Credit Crunch
Just down the street and round the bend
You'll find a bank who still will lend
The tellers show up dressed in black
With golden coins in velvet sacks
The smoke and mirrors hide the way
And passwords grant a chance to stay
Well hidden in this tiny hole
High interest rates will steal your soul
True riches pave the way my friend
But you must dare to wish again
There's not a soul that can't be bought
There's not a dream that can't be sought
Their contracts signed in blood are true
And in default they'll collect you
So sign right here on dotted line
Just right beside clause number nine
Then everything you want is yours
Castles of gold with marble floors
The law of Midas is a must
The law of commerce we do trust
So all the money that you need
You can find in the blood you bleed
Just when you think you have it all
They'll all be there to watch you fall
So please think carefully my friend
And be prepared to bleed again
While you're here the world you'll own
And then they'll come to call your loan.
Natasha Head
Thanks to Gay for the direction in the comments below. With her advice, I've made the recommended changes, and am shocked at how much better it reads. That's the power of the poets at Onestoppoetry! Stop by and have a visit...their support is amazing!!! You'll be a better poet for it :)
Comments
It scans beautifully in iambic tetrameter with an anapest or two sprinkled in for interest. I would for the sake of diction reverse "will" and "still" not to split the verb form in line two.
I'm afraid Golden Castles are not iambs. The heavy stress in both words fall on the first syllables. I would simply change this to Castles of gold and it works perfectly.
So that's it..the rest is absolutely great! Wonderfully written and well done you!
Your loving sista