Form For All ~ The Ghazal ~ dVersePoets
Today at the pub, Gay has enlisted the wonderful services of John Alwyine-Mosley (aka @bookdreamer) John has presented us a wonderful introduction to the form of Ghazal, and I'm going to take a stab at it. Anyone who has been following my blog for any amount of time, has seen me struggle with these form challenges, and I hold myself out as an example...for better or for worse, you have to try! It is with a huge thank you to dVersePoets for hosting FormForAll, and to those brave enough to try, I humbly bow! Let's get this poetry show on...
The Open Road
Where do lonely hearts meet? Upon the open road?
Down lost country lanes, upon this open road.
Where do lost lovers search, their futures yet foretold?
Upon the unforgiving asphalt, upon this open road.
What do broken hearts find when they have no hand to hold?
All but the sweetest misery upon this open road.
What burdens love's breaking shoulders with such a heavy load?
It is the weight of bleeding hearts upon this open road.
Like the gambler's keen sense of knowing when the hand has got to fold
There's no map to give direction upon this open road.
Pure true love keeps on searching down forgotten highways bold
Risking hearts to darkness upon this open road.
A memory to lovers gone, their bleeding beauty does behold
The hope of wanting stranger found upon this open road.
Soon found amongst the pavement cracked the most lyrical of odes
The song of two hearts becoming one upon this open road.
And that is my attempt at the form of Ghazal. Hmm...let's see what you got? Bring your link over to dVerse, get a feel for the form and let us have a read!
The Open Road
Where do lonely hearts meet? Upon the open road?
Down lost country lanes, upon this open road.
Where do lost lovers search, their futures yet foretold?
Upon the unforgiving asphalt, upon this open road.
What do broken hearts find when they have no hand to hold?
All but the sweetest misery upon this open road.
What burdens love's breaking shoulders with such a heavy load?
It is the weight of bleeding hearts upon this open road.
Like the gambler's keen sense of knowing when the hand has got to fold
There's no map to give direction upon this open road.
Pure true love keeps on searching down forgotten highways bold
Risking hearts to darkness upon this open road.
A memory to lovers gone, their bleeding beauty does behold
The hope of wanting stranger found upon this open road.
Soon found amongst the pavement cracked the most lyrical of odes
The song of two hearts becoming one upon this open road.
And that is my attempt at the form of Ghazal. Hmm...let's see what you got? Bring your link over to dVerse, get a feel for the form and let us have a read!
Comments
I think you must have to be on open roads quite a lot - out there in Nova Scotia. We, too, here in Texas. I drove 8 hours from the coast just to get 1/3 of the way across the state.
Thank you SO MUCH for your support! Gay
beautiful.
Gavin
1) Association
One of the key factors of the form - traditional or modern is that the couplets need to be based as it were on variations on a theme. And stand alone as the order should not matter. I think this poem explores different aspects but a narrative flow emerges so its not as associational as it could be
2) Theme
This is clearly about unrequited yearning,and which is well within the classical tradition
3) Couplets
You have done a nice range with no enjambment in any couplet. And they are a good meaty length.You don't mentioning the "i" or character of the narrator in the last couplet link, which is fine in the modern take of the for,
4) Rhyme and refrain
In the classical tradition, the opening couplet would set the refrain as the same in the end lines as well as establish the internal rhyme. Then in the rest of the couplets the refrain and rhyme would be on the second line. Here you have no internal chain of rhyme you do have a refai. This is fine in a modern form.
5) Metre
I don't think you have used a metre ot count as the beat varies from line, which is fine for a modern take, And it reads a at a nice jaunty pace.
In short, this is a fine exploration of an important theme and you use a mix of classical and modern features but, which need less of a narrative to be onthe money!
A bit out of the norm
Rhymed all the while too
Except cheating with the same word over and over again but I guess that's how the form is due
Another great write
Wonderful job with the form shown at dVerse tonight
All but the sweetest misery upon this open road." I've been trying to think of something to write all day, but have not been able to attempt the Ghazal yet.
Great night at the bar and i have to say you kicked this forms butt baby yeah!
Im no expert as u might see if u check my weird attempt - but i think you really caught this one well from the off. It had a great flava and felt smooth and carefully contained. A box ticker yes... but it had more than that for me...(If i may be so bold) i think its 1 of your best writes...props!
Best lines:
Soon found amongst the pavement cracked the most lyrical of odes
The song of two hearts becoming one upon this open road.
I will try it later ~
David
The repeating refrain of 'upon this open road' reminded me of the many paths love takes you down.
Thank you.
The song of two hearts becoming one upon this open road.
Great close on a lovely piece that reminds me much of the Aspen leaf strewn dirt road I live off of, poetically name Evening Star Lane.
"Like the gambler's keen sense of knowing when the hand has got to fold
There's no map to give direction upon this open road"
There is no real way of knowing when to keep going or when to quit, though more often we are compelled to keep pursuing. Good job!