Form For All~dVersePoets~The Pantoum

This week Gay (@beachanny) is treating us to the form of Pantoum for Form For All.  I am attempting, once again, to embrace the rules, and to write what is expected based on the fantastic lesson provided.  I am also calling on all courageous and poetic souls to join us at dVerse to show us how well you fared with this form challenge. It's all in the name of being better poets! Now let's get this show on the road!

Race to Freedom

Into silent night we race
Unbeknownst to all
Disappearing without a trace
Swallowed by nightfall

Unbeknownst to all
We've escaped these rusted chains
Swallowed by nightfall
Wrapped up in freedom's rains

We've escaped these rusted chains
Though the risk was close to death
Wrapped up in freedom's rains
Fighting frantically for breath

Though the risk was close to death
We ran with hearts on fire
Fighting frantically for breath
The shores of freedom, lone desire

We ran with hearts on fire
Disappearing without a trace
The shores of freedom, lone desire
Into silent night we race.

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Comments

Pat Hatt said…
That one looked rather tough and you pulled if off very well. Rhyming here and there for a spell. That silent night sure saw you race and you sure left it without a trace, doesn't mean you will erase, just not show your face or trip over your shoe lace, now I leave at my rhyming pace.
September 8, 2011 at 2:01 PM
Brian Miller said…
i dont think you did bad at all...freedom and hearts on fire, flee those chains...i like...you got the rhymes and the form sequence...sent mine to gay to get some reassurance...lol
September 8, 2011 at 3:41 PM
Anonymous said…
You have executed it rather well you know Tash! I cheated and went to revisit an old pantoum I'd written a while back. Flee those shackles lady and shake that hair loose!
September 8, 2011 at 5:05 PM
Anonymous said…
This was terrific! The rhyming didn't seem strained, but rather flowed perfectly. I wasn't sure I liked this poetic form until I read this. I could feel the race to freedom in each stanza. I may have to try my hand at a pantoum if I can find the time today. Peace, Linda
September 8, 2011 at 5:21 PM
Chronicles of Illusions said…
I think that this flowed freely, and there were no moments where it felt forced at all.
And the lines:
Unbeknownst to all
We've escaped these rusted chains
Swallowed by nightfall
Wrapped up in freedom's rains
Well they are to die for. :)
September 8, 2011 at 5:29 PM
Beachanny said…
Tashtoo - I'm feeling jealous. You made this look easy and I know it's not! Your repetitions are spot on! As I re-read it, I considered if you might have wanted to substitute "reins" for "rains" although I can see why "rains" work because it speaks to "rust". I like the idea of "reins of freedom" as I believe freedom requires reigning in so as not to become chaos; however by the end of the poem, I can see it would not work as it would confuse a horse race with a foot race and a horse race metaphor was not at all where you were going. But it was interesting to look at it both ways. It took me deeper into the poem. Well done!!
September 8, 2011 at 6:13 PM
Anonymous said…
I am just completely in awe of anyone who pulls this off, and you did! Very well too! *smiles and bows humbly*
September 8, 2011 at 6:36 PM
Arron Shilling said…
the desperation is contained by the form:
This rolls in the round and rumbles with delicious flow. a pleasure to read tash.
September 8, 2011 at 6:43 PM
ayala said…
Tasha...flee those chains...a nice write. Happy Thursday.
September 8, 2011 at 7:18 PM
Anonymous said…
Nicely done -really love how the last stanza came out
September 8, 2011 at 8:01 PM
Unknown said…
Tash, excellent write. Every time you do a poem with structure, where you're forced to live within the constraints, you come out shining. Really love how you've not only embraced, but have seemingly owned the possibility to expand your own craft, whether it be through experimentation or as here, "education". Very nice job here, keep it up, thanks for a great read
September 8, 2011 at 8:02 PM
Unknown said…
Well done my friend, the intensity of the escape really became felt. Nice job with the form! ~ Rose
September 8, 2011 at 8:25 PM
Unknown said…
I could really feel the desperation, longing, and passion in this one. I almost feel short of breath after reading, caught up in the urgency of the moment.

:)
September 8, 2011 at 9:00 PM
Scarlet said…
Very lovely words and form.... congrats for pulling this off. I like this refraining line:

We ran with hearts on fire
September 8, 2011 at 10:06 PM
Maude Lynn said…
You did a fantastic job! This is awesome!
September 8, 2011 at 10:19 PM
Anonymous said…
Beautiful... I really like, "Wrapped up in freedom's rains"

~laurie
September 8, 2011 at 10:58 PM
Sheila said…
awesome job, girl!
September 9, 2011 at 11:03 AM
hedgewitch said…
This is where form and function meet, Natasha. You wrote a pantoum, and you wrote a poem,and they are one. Really nice job with the exact repetition--I wasn't able to do that and I envy, like others have said, how easy you make this look. I also like what you're saying here very much.
September 9, 2011 at 2:16 PM
Evelyn said…
excellent.
again, Im terrified by forms such as this but you did it flawlessly.
September 9, 2011 at 2:29 PM
Claudia said…
..We ran with hearts on fire...seems your heart is always on fire tash...escaping the chains...yes...loved it
September 9, 2011 at 6:22 PM
Luke Prater said…
great pantoum! I just linked one up I'd already written. Is that allowed? :/
September 9, 2011 at 7:36 PM
Rosemary Nissen-Wade said…
I like the energy of this one, and you've captured the form very well.
September 9, 2011 at 11:25 PM
RMP said…
i enjoyed the read. you put together quite a lovely pantoum. it flows beautifully.
September 10, 2011 at 12:20 AM
Anonymous said…
Great job on the form. The pantoum cycles and rolls so well building up towards the frenetic for me. Good rhyming and rhythm. I really enjoyed :-)
September 10, 2011 at 2:59 AM
Anonymous said…
i cannot write the forms with rhyme and meter but i love reading them when you not only follow the form, but still manage to portray emotions and you accomplished it all. excellent! {she says, green with envy}
dani ♥
September 17, 2011 at 6:43 AM
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