Intruder ~ Poetics ~ dVersePoets

Shelia Moore is tempting us with a prompt today at the pub, where we are required to write Onomatopoeia poetry.  For the full explanation, swing by dVersePoets, but to keep it simple...we're focusing on sound. Think the "POWS" of the comic books or the "Quacks" of ducks. She has provided great examples to tease your muse, and we'd love to see you pop over and play poetry with us.

~Intruder~


The knock was rapid, persistent
Rat-a-tat-tat
Like the machine gun fire
That would echo through the house
While grandpa lost himself to memories
Of glories never to be known again.

Thump, thump, thump
Dad, thundering down the stairs
The sound of his heavy footstep
All that was needed for proper identification
Mom never stomped like that.

Then I remembered…Mom was gone

3am again, again the desperate
Rat-a-tat-tat
Just months ago hadn’t I already lived this

I waited for the voices
Not knowing why they would be calling here
At this hour
Grandpa would be fast asleep
Dad was obviously home
Then

BANG

The silence that followed
Was not heavy enough to hide the scent
Wafting up the stairwell

Thump (pause) Thump (pause) Thump (pause)
SLAM
I would know the sound of the basement door anywhere

THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP
I never knew Dad to run like that...
CREAK

Top of the stairs now
Loose floor board
That had prevented so many
Late night escapes
And caused so many arguments

I knew why Dad would never fix it
No matter how Mom had nagged.

My eyes stared out into the darkness
Watching a strange shadow dance
at the meager stream of light
the hall lamp allowed to stream
through the small wedge of my nearly closed door.

Then

it begin to open.

Special Note for Twitter Addicts: This years Shorty Award nominations got underway January 3rd.  What a birthday surprise from Roger Baut (@ChasingTao)when he nominated me in the author category.  Even bigger surprise? Right now I'm sitting at #10 on the nomination list.  Not that I have any delusions about winning, but I'm having a blast playing the game! (Look out JK Rowling!) and any votes would be appreciated! (wink, wink, nudge, nudge!) Thanks so very much Roger! (who is kicking butt in the photography category..VOTE @ChasingTao! And all you dVersePoets will be pleased to hear your pub is sitting at Position 5 in the art category! I don't know about the world...but I've got a feeling we can work together to at least take over the twitterverse with Poetry!

Comments

The Silver Fox said…
Woo! That was eerie. Once again, you leave us wanting more.
Tashtoo said…
SILVER! You would not believe how honored I am by your presence :) Yay!
Claudia said…
wow tash..love it..you had me spellbound... i forgot to breathe..love the story...love the sound and woohoo on the nomination
The Silver Fox said…
I posted the penultimate chapter of Two Ships last night, btw...
Brian Miller said…
oo like the mystery to this...makes me wonder just what happened...this is like old time radio where they relied on sound affect to drive the story...fab write..and i got your back on the shorty...
Laurie Kolp said…
So intense... had me on the edge of my seat... I like how you threw in the squeaky floorboard preventing sneak outs.

Congrat os the nomination... will def vote for you!!
Lisa said…
Ooh what fabulous writing. You are very talented Natasha.
Mary said…
This is excellent. I found myself reading faster and faster. Loved the sounds AND the story here.
Anonymous said…
Excellent! Very suspenseful. Peace, Linda
Scarlet said…
I love the sound effects and the mystery...you kept me on the edge of my seat.

Congrats on the nomination, and of course..whoowhoo on D'verse rank ~
Unknown said…
Wonderfully suspenseful, Tash. Those sounds and the way they define us as we know our world thru them, things and people, really brought home the memories of how I used to relate to the world as well. This intimacy makes the intrusion that much scarier.
Pat Hatt said…
Sound is surely at play here today or would that be night with your eerie fright. The door might of creeked and umm echoed in shout but you surely hit it out of the park and that's what it's all about.
Brendan said…
Those sounds outside a childhood's door get louder in memory, don't they? You do such a fine job here of escalating the tension and terror of approaching steps in the night -- fear is greatest in what we can't see but know is there. Fine work, friend. - Brendan
Maude Lynn said…
Well done! Gave me a little chill.
Bodhirose said…
Oh, man...someone's coming to get you! A compact story told with vivid words and sounds--loved this.
Sheila said…
whah? I want to know more to this story! great use of onomatopoeia, Natasha, especially all of the sounds someone can make while mobile.
Anonymous said…
move over edgar allan poe!!


bumble bee
Unknown said…
oops almost fell off the edge of my seat ...loved it ....happy belated birthday wishes and all the best for THE SHORTY x x x
Unknown said…
ohhhhhh a mix of terror & a bit of memories with the loose floorboard... scary!
Anonymous said…
VERY suspenseful! LOVE it!

congratulations on the nomination and belated happy birthday and happy new year!
Vaporizer said…
I am publishing it for dVerse Poets Pub start hyperlink evening, which is an excellent source for poets and those who really like composition.
Anonymous said…
I'm starting a new poetry-challenge linkup that I hope you'll jump in on:

http://rosemarymint.wordpress.com/2012/01/09/monday-melting-week-1/
Chasing Tao said…
Gotta Say that I loved your poem Natasha! Absolutely brilliant! You pulled me right into what was going on! I was there and I was:

"Watching a strange shadow dance
at the meager stream of light
the hall lamp allowed to stream
through the small wedge of my nearly closed door.

Then

it begin to open."

You certainly have been given a special 'gift' for writing and poetry, and are a definitely a true 'artist' and author! I consider myself blessed to have encountered you as I traveled the 'pathess path'! Kudos! ☺

...and thank you for your kind and thoughtful words in your, "Special Note for Twitter Addicts." They were sincerely appreciated, and brought some real joy to me this evening after wrestling with my blog. It's coming back together again, and to life, so the first thing I had to do was come and visit you, and see if I could leave a comment. I've still got some things to do on it, but being the Taurus that I am...I'll getter done!

Take gentle care Natasha, and let your light keep on a shinin'

Roger ☺

PS: Now come the scary part seeing if I can leave this comment. Okay, here goes...
I actually unquestionably must think even more in that course and find out what i can do concerning this.
I recently came across your article and have been reading along. I want to express my admiration of your writing skill and ability to make readers read from the beginning to the end.
Screw Conveyors said…
wow tash..love it..you had me spellbound... i neglected to take in..love the tale...love the audio and woohoo on the nomination...
So extreme... had me on the side of my chair... I like how you used in the squeaky floorboard avoiding put outs.
IGBT UPS said…
I published the penultimate section of Two Delivers yesterday....
Under Pads said…
This is fantastic. I found myself studying quicker and quicker. Liked the appears to be AND the tale here.

Popular Posts