#FormForAll with @Beachanny & @dVersePoets
Okay...we're talking Sprung Rhythm over at dVerse today, and I have to admit, I've not had this much trouble with writing to form since the dreaded Villanelle. BUT...I tried and you should too. Stretching ourselves and stepping outside our comfort zone is one thing that will result in bigger, brighter poets, and if anything, you've got a new form to add your poetic vocabulary...even if the statement is "I HATE writing (insert form here).
Choke~Hold
I have been smothered for far too long
Suffocated, asphyxiated, by groping hands of love
as they push shoulders down from where they stand above
with force they hold me down, you see
as they all fear who I may be-
come, undone, no fun, for some
as this whole task is cumbersome
lost in a struggle of duality.
Should I be this, should I be that
the decision is not my own
as long as I stay here with you on my back
while missing all open roads to roam
I should have known you'd like it like that
with broken wings in prison home.
Choke~Hold
I have been smothered for far too long
Suffocated, asphyxiated, by groping hands of love
as they push shoulders down from where they stand above
with force they hold me down, you see
as they all fear who I may be-
come, undone, no fun, for some
as this whole task is cumbersome
lost in a struggle of duality.
Should I be this, should I be that
the decision is not my own
as long as I stay here with you on my back
while missing all open roads to roam
I should have known you'd like it like that
with broken wings in prison home.
Comments
http://leahjlynn.wordpress.com/
but when isn't awareness of a situation not the first condition to busting out anyway?
like your winged pinterest pic too ;-)
Beyond this I'm pretty sure you conquered what I think are the basics of this rhythm..I'm counting four stresses and the flow is leaping, springing one unlocking key to the next!
Powerful work, here!
In itself, 'shoulders down' even if forcefully applied, might not be bad.
===
"come, undone, no fun, for some"
I liked the inner rhyme, crosswise, with vowel rhyme in the whole line.
There is a nice Greek term for this cross relationship, but it escapes me at the minute.
love the sprung rhythm!
♥