The Eyes of the Matador

Growing up, I never could escape the eyes of the matador.
You know the one I mean
Vibrant and alive, on a back drop of black velvet
Following your every move.

Her house was ancient, crumbling
It reeked of herbs and magic
Not that I knew that then
two stories of endless stories

Running water not an option
the upstairs reserved for toiletries and chamber pots
a dark and turning staircase
with the matador at its center, always watching

I would wake from childhood slumber
his eyes flashing through my memory
permeating my now
as though keeping score of every bad thought, deed

Now grown, the house long ago burned
his eyes still watch me.
From the bedroom closet,
should I be fool enough to leave the door open

From the basement entrance
when we pile wood for the winter
there to remind me, should I dare fib
about the amount of sticks I have piled

He watches out there too
From the random mirrors in Walmart isles
From the top of the drive through menu
or hiding behind a pole, a "faux" streetlamp if you will.

I never could escape the eyes of the matador
Still can't to this day.
Your a fool if you think
he's not watching you too.

Victoria Slotto has us looking at symbolism in poetry over at MeetingTheBar. I'm sure the dVersePub is hopping, but never doubt there's room for you too!

Comments

Tino said…
This is kinda scary, in a Boogieman type of way, lurking in the dark corners of our minds eye.
Brian Miller said…
gosh tash this is a little eerie...and i am now looking over my shoulder....made me feel rather predatorish....shivers...some really cool touches as well...two stories of stories...cool line....the eyes though...i still feel them...
And in the mirror will rise the eyes that see you and and the dark. Dark poem and images here
Victoria said…
This is so reminiscent of my grandparents' home (eons ago). When I was very young, there was a picture of a Madonna that was in very dark colors. It was on a shelf in the living room by the entry. It scared me so that I would stop at the door and then charge by it. I have to think about the symbolism of that, now. Nice one, Tash.
Hot Rod Pics said…
I can totally see him watching me. Very successful device, very good poem.
Mary said…
I can understand how an image like that would haunt you as a child and also carry over into adulthood. I have seen those matadors!
Daydreamertoo said…
This is very spooky. It's a bit like not daring to look in a mirror after midnight in case someone else is staring back at you...something like that or, not letting your foot dangle over the edge of the bed in case the 'monster' which hides underneath it reaches up and grabs your ankle. Common sense tells you that there is nothing there and yet, we spook ourselves into pulling our foot back into the 'safety' of the bed... just in case.
Your matador sounds like a nightmare to have following you around from childhood into adulthood. Yikes!
Laurie Kolp said…
Love your symbol of the bull's eyes following you as if it's a bad memory from a parent or something. Definitely gives me chills.
The Silver Fox said…
In 1976, I watched the TV mini-series Helter Skelter, the story of the Manson Family murders. I swear, the eyes of Steve Railsback (the actor who portrayed Manson) followed me around the room from his place on the TV screen!

And I was an adult when that program was broadcast.

Excellent poem, Tasha. We've all been there, I think, at one point or another.
Serena said…
Very cool poem. It was creepy and haunting and powerful...I like how you conveyed a powerful image without making it sound or feel crazy. It feels very real. In fact, I can feel those eyes watching me. I have a few childhood memories that could compare, although not compete. Unfortunately, I was taught to feel this way about God!
Claudia said…
oh dang...this gave me shivers tash...even in the mirrors of walmart isles...there are things we just seem to be impossible to escape..
lucychili said…
"And suddenly, I looked at the bull. He had this innocence that all animals have in their eyes, and he looked at me with this pleading. It was like a cry for justice, deep down inside of me. I describe it as being like a prayer – because if one confesses, it is hoped, that one is forgiven. I felt like the worst shit on earth."
Unknown said…
The matador, love that. Awesome feel here, somewhat eerie feel, love it. Really strong use of metaphor/symbol throughout. Thanks
Wolfsrosebud said…
fair warning... the mind a wonderful thing
Anonymous said…
Wonderful! One of my favorites of yours! In my mind I picture one of those paintings on velvet transposed to super ego -can be a killer- ha-

I especially like the stories on stories. k.
hedgewitch said…
Quite chilling Tash--I find velvet 'paintings' always disturbing in the way they seem to reverse images into two-dimensions--they always leave me uneasy, and that matador one I remember clearly--you build it anew from the ground up here and it does indeed creep me totally out.
Unknown said…
Visceral in it terror, it evoked all the things that frightened me as a child, their ghosts still haunting. To me it spoke of the ways we internalize judgement. Wonderfully penned!
Anonymous said…
You KNOW I'm loving this! Eerie, haunting, got my heart racing!... The matador.....this could mean so many things....the bullfighter ...could it have been a dog? A black dog? Frightening as a child...but symbolic for fear lingering I the closets, the cupboards, the shadows.....this is is so good...goosebumps!!!!!!
Maude Lynn said…
Wow! One of your best, Natasha!

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