Journal of the Undead ~Feb 13, 2011

Nothing is quite as cold as my bedroom on an early February evening.  The fires long burnt out, you can actually hear the sound of the frost overtaking my windows.  With it, the view of the choppy gray sea below me disappears, and I am left with only imagination and nightmares to tease me.

They leave not long after dark, when supper has been eaten and the kitchen once again shines like new, despite the antiquity within its fixtures.  They have been with me twenty some odd years, and still they never question.

The cold doesn't bother me like it used to. And the lure of the dancing flames was lost many years before, when my sight was new and my senses misunderstood.  Like a wild child of the sixties, I embraced the drug, and all the perceptions it altered. I have learned from my blunders, and now, it is only control of the temptation I seek.

That I like my steaks bloody, shouldn't be surprising. That I enjoy the essence of the beasts that sustain me need go no further than these pages.  The confessions I render here, shall remain hidden...until my guiding angel returns. Then I will know my debt has been paid.

I exchange the harsh glare of the electric bulbs for the single flickering flame of a lone candle. In the white light, it is too hard to deny my truth. Some would call me foolish...but since having broken the ties, I need not listen to them anymore. Pale, to the point of translucent, every parched vein much like a spiderweb strung upon my skin. Ashen and hallow, my beauty is but illusion to the eye that dares to look upon me.

As the winter moon rises through my icy pane, so too, does the longing surge within me. If I had a heart, it would beat a frantic tune...but now it is the energy of sin that drives the temptation, for their is nothing left alive within me.  The young ones call it hunger. I miss such simple naivety. When I could blame these desires on an urge to survive. Yes...perhaps it is the blood that sustains...but it is power, control, that stirs my insides. This is the monster I have become, the demon who will ultimately defeat me. Resisting the hunt, could well be my undoing.

~Feb 13th, 2011

This particular portion is being served up for OpenLinkNight over at dVersePoets.  It's Brian Miller up behind the bar and he's got poetry on tap. Linking up at 3pmEST

Comments

Brian Miller said…
whew...thick and powerful...some parts i relate to...i like my steak bloody...and the simple life and light...i lives in a shack once that only had wood heat...i have heard the fronst...the great metaphor though is chilling....and in a place i hope i never reach...
RD said…
"it is only control of the temptation I seek. " Lord help us

having been consumed with the constitution for consumption I genuflect
to your ways

Peace
Pat Hatt said…
Good luck with such a stroll
Can be hard to control
And really delved deep
Really liked this entry at your keep
Jenny Herner said…
Love this! "In the white light, it is too hard to deny my truth." Nice!
RMP said…
really stunning piece. I forgot for a moment the title; the words definitely took on a new light once the title sunk back in.
Anonymous said…
My dear poetess Nat, so entirely taken with your composition, I would love to be sitting beside you "rocking in a hollow chair" exploring the winter chill as it brushes up again the swollen window panes, stirring our souls as well satisfy our famish for "rare bloody flesh!!!"
Thank you for sharing, i did indeed enjoy ever stitch created. Michael T.
Unknown said…
Yikes! It's very chilly here at your place too :). Evocative and intriguing, a great persona voice.
Anonymous said…
Love this. Simply love this.
Claudia said…
heck tash...that gave me shivers from the title to the last line...great images..and i think i need another jacket now to get warm again ya know..smiles
ayala said…
An honest and powerful write.
Glenn Buttkus said…
Your blond tresses turn Harlow platinum after the sun goes down; really dug this prose poem, and love the fact that I automatically insert the line breaks as I read it, always seeing the poetics. A superb tale from a bona fide spinner of many; The piece is so rich, so layered that we imagine both the back story, and the future tense/tension/outcome; great work, Nat!
vivinfrance said…
You surely know how to get me shivering!
Loved this eerie write--and it love the confessional quality
Timoteo said…
I vant to bite yourrr neck...
mrs mediocrity said…
yes, brilliant and eerie and full of a kernel of truth that lives within us all. great write!
Anonymous said…
very dark, and tasty..
Serena said…
Well written and you've captured a great voice... I have no problem feeling these are the thoughts of an undead...
Arron Shilling said…
I have never been able to resist the hunt! a slave to my hunger and it beats the gym! :D

well done! (my preference;)
jackie dick said…
Chilling, haunting, and you gripped me. Diving under the duvet for warmth... Well done!
James Rainsford said…
Dark and hypnotic. There are some truly disturbing images here.
Lady Nyo said…
Wow, Tash...this is about as dark as I've ever read by you.

I need a sweater right now, and it's climbing in the 50's this morning!

The power of well woven words. You got me in the gut reading this. It's haunting, but provocative, too.

This could stand for any vampire lore/story but also for a very personal look into an addiction.

Jesu! the power of your words has got my total attention. I felt like I was falling into a dark pit and the imagery is exactly right for the spell you have woven.

Lady Nyo
Laura said…
"I exchange the harsh glare of the electric bulbs for the single flickering flame of a lone candle. In the white light, it is too hard to deny my truth."... like sitting mindfully... no escape from what arises, until it shifts to some new awareness, some new truth.
adan said…
so powerfully beautiful, forgive me for casting an eye upon it, not so much a dare, as forbidden curiosity ;-)

haunting, loved,

"Pale, to the point of translucent, every parched vein much like a spiderweb strung upon my skin. Ashen and hallow, my beauty is but illusion to the eye that dares to look upon me."
Anonymous said…
Great voice on this, Tash. Read out loud it really takes on another life. I like this best, the way it flows: “That I like my steaks bloody, shouldn't be surprising. That I enjoy the essence of the beasts that sustain me need go no further than these pages. The confessions I render here, shall remain hidden...”
Brian Miller said…
just wanted to...though i know it is not your thanksgiving...drop in and say i am thankful for you...smiles.
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