2:42
Perhaps I should be careful, slipping like I am into this blue tinged funk of indifference. With all that's taken place over these few months, who could blame me? They think they know why, have all the answers that they so naively think elude me. Think they know me... after all, wasn't it them who taught me how to paint a smile.
If I were to tell them I was drowning willingly, they would gasp in disbelief, wonder where I find such grief, and offer a glorious rainbow of medications to ensure I don't sink too low. They fear the solitude I crave. Have spent their entire lives running from one poor soul to the next in an effort to not have to face their own. Projecting grand illusions of broken people they can take responsibility for fixing...numbing...dumbing down. I will not be another one.
I am tired of the conversations. Tired of my mad addiction to painting smiles on others. I am really no different, save for one way; I acknowledge this is no way to live. Confess to insincerity. Know that until I can stomach myself, no one who dares cross my path stands a chance.
In their constant chaos and perpetual judgment, I slip further away from me. As scared as I am to wipe the smile away, I know it must be done. I welcome myself, not the me you see. Not the me I have shown you. The me, that I really am.
Damaged, rode-off, over sensitive. All me. All I have. I can give you nothing more, until I know her too.
NH
2013
If I were to tell them I was drowning willingly, they would gasp in disbelief, wonder where I find such grief, and offer a glorious rainbow of medications to ensure I don't sink too low. They fear the solitude I crave. Have spent their entire lives running from one poor soul to the next in an effort to not have to face their own. Projecting grand illusions of broken people they can take responsibility for fixing...numbing...dumbing down. I will not be another one.
I am tired of the conversations. Tired of my mad addiction to painting smiles on others. I am really no different, save for one way; I acknowledge this is no way to live. Confess to insincerity. Know that until I can stomach myself, no one who dares cross my path stands a chance.
In their constant chaos and perpetual judgment, I slip further away from me. As scared as I am to wipe the smile away, I know it must be done. I welcome myself, not the me you see. Not the me I have shown you. The me, that I really am.
Damaged, rode-off, over sensitive. All me. All I have. I can give you nothing more, until I know her too.
NH
2013
Comments
the fight to become, to find yourself. it never comes without 'cost'. the challenges from those who say they love you as you are but will turn on you on the first step you take away from them. the fear in them stems directly from what they stand to lose as you begin to stand on your own~
I dreamt something last night right along these lines but the words are escaping me this morning~
stay tuned...I love this!