Shepperd Bay Boys~FormForAll~dVersePoets
Resharing with FormForAll at dVersePoets where Gay is presenting some wonderful poetic forms for us to play with.
Shepperd Bay Boys
There is a town called Shepperd Bay
It's where all bad boys go
It's in the woods past Livingston
Where fierce winds do blow.
The walls are cold and food is poor
There's punishment and fear
It's evil in its purest form
Though bibles are kept near
The boys are poor and come from homes
Where families are lost
They did their best to keep them fed
But misconstrued the cost.
They get locked up right after supp
And get told sordid tales
of devils growing in their blood
Deafened by demons' wails
They've all been branded by the cloth
And devils they've been named
For their strength and families fed
A must, but they've been shamed
The warden walks dark halls at night
And tells them how they've sinned
With fevered prayers and wrongs confessed
They can be born again.
They work them on the grounds till dark
Then they're back up at dawn
There's is a tale of misfortune
A sad and lonely song.
There is a town called Shepperd Bay
It's where few good boys are
Forgotten boys of poor bloodline
Will forever wear her scars.
2011 Natasha Head
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Comments
stanza 1 line 4 has 7 syllables
Poisoned by demons' wails - poisoned is more trochaic than iambic - the stress is POIsoned, maybe you could find another word?
Keep up the nice work, now I go back to being a jerk.
now. onto the work at hand :) you nailed the story telling essance of ballad's nature, I feel.
and but for a few missed rhymes, if you're a purest, such as the "sinned /again" and "dawn / song" you've kept to the form very well, natasha :)
and my heart thanks you for lending a great effort to my favorite form :) and if ever you'd feel like filtering it into even more purity, let's tinker in the forum chat a stanza at a time :)
monty / bummy
forum's not live chat by any stretch of imagination, but leave add to chat thread with stanza or so; I'm checking it regularly now :)
monty
I loved every word!