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Electric Blue ~OpenLinkNight 13~dVersePoets






Constant reminder permanently etched
scraped into ivory skin...to bleed again
Electric blue

A lifetime of worry, a moment of wonder
once crimson, now clotted within my veins
Electric blue

My own faith a testament, to all these lives
well birthed, well lived, all sacrificed
Electric blue

And now you've the nerve to tempt me further
testing my faith, teasing my tale
Electric you.

It's that time of week again Poets! And joy to the world, we've got one of my favorites tending to the pub crowd.  Joy Ann Jones (AKA @hedge_witch) has polished up the glasses and set the stage for what promises to be a most delightful OpenLinkNight for week #13...do so hope we see you there!
dVersePoets Pub...where Poets come to play!
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Unknown said…
think every stanza is my fav in this one! temptation in faith... love it
October 11, 2011 at 3:31 PM
Claudia said…
intriguing play on the electric blue - electric you -
once crimson, now clotted within my veins...bleeding again...strong words..and again and again faith is tested.. intriguing pic as well...
October 11, 2011 at 3:50 PM
Brian Miller said…
nice...like the subtle change there in the last...making it personal and intimate...so is that a tat? the first stanza led me there...
October 11, 2011 at 3:50 PM
hedgewitch said…
Some wonderful similes here, and word twists give it some extra momentum. That first stanza especially is indelible, and the third is driven and strong, and I could go on, but I'd be quoting it all back to you, so I'll just agree with Anthony.
October 11, 2011 at 3:51 PM
Pat Hatt said…
Temptation can be fun
Unless evil is to be done
Then you might want to run
Great piece and with this you truly won.
October 11, 2011 at 3:56 PM
Tashtoo said…
That is my tattoo...one of many that can be cleverly hidden when business attire is required! ;)
October 11, 2011 at 4:00 PM
Uneven Stephen said…
This would make a great song! I'm singing the lines along in my head... Love the line "scraped into ivory skin...to bleed again". Great write!
October 11, 2011 at 4:16 PM
Anonymous said…
strong, strong forward drive on this work. It haunts within the few words and that is all that is needed here.

Beyond simple sentiment.

Lady Nyo
October 11, 2011 at 4:23 PM
Brendan said…
You are singing my favorite color - electric cobalt, yee-haw ... Tattoes are about permanent declarations, which makes the trials of life all the more mythic as we test what is ensouled in us through those flesh-and-ink carvings - scrimshaw as dowsing wand for truth. Great poem. - Brendan
October 11, 2011 at 4:36 PM
Anonymous said…
Love it!! Stephen is right this would make a killer song! Nice write Tash!
October 11, 2011 at 4:38 PM
Joanne Young Elliott said…
"A lifetime of worry, a moment of wonder
once crimson, now clotted within my veins"

My favorite lines.

Nice write.
October 11, 2011 at 4:40 PM
theborgpoet said…
As a fellow traveler with body art, temptation is always there. Usually in the dead of night...thanks for sharing!
October 11, 2011 at 4:56 PM
Timoteo said…
That is your tattoo? But that can't be you, cuz...er...some things are missing.
October 11, 2011 at 5:19 PM
Adura Ojo said…
Electric blue...sparking up the right places...in this lovely offering. *Smiles*
October 11, 2011 at 5:24 PM
Louise said…
Wow...that's some tattoo! Go you! Great poem...can see where you're going with this...you been looking inside my head again? ;)
October 11, 2011 at 5:30 PM
Daydreamertoo said…
Very, very nice. I wrote once or twice about electric blue, too. Love the colour blue in any and everything.
Great prose nice tat, too (Pun intended)
October 11, 2011 at 5:32 PM
ayala said…
Great tattoo and cool poem. Clotted within my veins...I love that!
October 11, 2011 at 6:20 PM
Anonymous said…
Powerful opening stanza Natasha, and then the repeating 'Electric Blue' until the final 'Electric You'...very cool..
October 11, 2011 at 6:35 PM
Unknown said…
Tash, great write, love the song-like quality, every stanza is very tight and the repetition is wonderfully done. Thanks, Happy OLN
October 11, 2011 at 6:40 PM
Anonymous said…
I thought it might be a blue inked tattoo of a cross....... Once crimson.... mine scabbed over like almost 1/2 inch thick... but it was definitely crimson that night 35 years ago when it was painfully etched into me..... nice poem..... hope that wasn't me tempting your faith!
October 11, 2011 at 7:09 PM
Anonymous said…
i love the contrast of colors int he beginning first the ivory skin then the veins (so i'm imagining red blood) versus the electric Blue
October 11, 2011 at 7:37 PM
Anonymous said…
things sounded scarlet at times... interesting write
October 11, 2011 at 7:47 PM
The Silver Fox said…
So often, tattoos become part of someone in more ways than the obvious.

Maybe the thought of renewed temptation is why so many people have more than one tattoo...
October 11, 2011 at 8:07 PM
lynne said…
(off the subject, I so want a tat.. I would have one on my neck, but ze boss would not go for that)

Ok, the poem..very surreal and edgy.. the way you switch it from impersonal to personal was a great change up.. well done Miss Natasha!
October 11, 2011 at 9:00 PM
Scarlet said…
I like the repetitive line.. electric blue. I see it now everyday.

Thanks for your kinds words in my blog.. I appreciate it.
October 11, 2011 at 9:03 PM
Anonymous said…
I too viscerally responded to the use of color in this poem. Electric blue is one of my favorites. My word verification: a/storm - oooooo!
October 11, 2011 at 9:05 PM
Arron Shilling said…
sparking some wicked energy here Tash - love your style here - it thrives and pulses a whipping tune as i read.
October 11, 2011 at 9:32 PM
Anonymous said…
Awesome closing!!! Love the switch in the repeated line.

"And now you've the nerve to tempt me further
testing my faith, teasing my tale
Electric you."

~Shawna (iamthat-shawna.blogspot.com
October 11, 2011 at 9:59 PM
Lisa said…
I read to a nice rhythm and thought of electric blue. But this is not the same electric blue and I wonder who. I enjoyed the poem.
October 11, 2011 at 10:02 PM
Anonymous said…
Wonderful rhyme and rhythm.
October 11, 2011 at 11:16 PM
Charles Elliott/Beautyseer said…
Have never really fallen under the spell of tats, nor been into pain enough to try one myself. They have always seemed to me like suicide -- a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

And the longer I sit at the D'Vers pub, the more that looks like "Erectric Brew"! Sorry... LOL
October 12, 2011 at 12:49 AM
signed...bkm said…
Love the electric blue -cuts to the bone of thought like lightening...bkm
October 12, 2011 at 12:58 AM
Divya said…
Well.. I liked how less words communicate so much.. Initially I thought its about a tatooo :P and then I realize in the next stanza its about a life may be who is resisting the temp and think continuously about all lives well birthed and well lived. I hope I got it right by what you intend to convey.. May be i will read again. But doesn't matter.. I liked the flow and repetition. loved the 2nd last verse especially .
October 12, 2011 at 1:38 AM
Ann LeFlore said…
I do have to agree with others this is excellent and I could really see this made into a song well penned
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/10/11/the-day-of-the-dead/
October 12, 2011 at 2:39 AM
Steve King said…
Nice play on words. Can I ward off my temptations by means of tattoos? Where do I sign up? A very enjoyable joining of faith, imagination and experience.
October 12, 2011 at 7:59 AM
Anonymous said…
music and colour.. great combination..repetition works so smoothly here.. chimes well..
October 12, 2011 at 10:38 AM
Hope said…
lol! I was thinking the same thing as Timoteo :)

very well deserved comments. I agree with all.
love the lines, flow and meaning!
October 12, 2011 at 12:05 PM
Beachanny said…
First read I thought this was going to be a ghazal and I was diggin' it, thinking of all the places you might go with "electric blue"; but with second read I saw that it was all related - references to the tattoo and its use as a personal symbol. I had to smile at the word play on tale ("tail")...hmm (ha). Well done, Tash!
October 12, 2011 at 4:09 PM
tinkwelborn said…
I like the repetition here. the form is elegant in four stanzas w/the final repeating line...then the final kapow in the last where temptation confronts unquestionable integrity.
meaning poem with a punch in its message.
I enjoyed reading this.
thank you.
October 12, 2011 at 5:29 PM
Unknown said…
play in the refrain perfectly landed. the sense of "electric blue" really vivid within your words. ~ Rose
October 12, 2011 at 11:59 PM
Anonymous said…
Electric blue... talk about two words that set a pace. Rich in imagery with a contagious rhythm. Fabulous.

Beth
October 13, 2011 at 11:49 AM
Anonymous said…
faith and temptation, they do seem to go hand in hand,dont they...
October 13, 2011 at 4:00 PM
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