Meeting the Bar ~ dVersePoets ~ The End

Today at dVerse sees the return of poet Emmett Wheatfall.  The challenge we are met with today, revolves around the term "conflation", which, as described by Emmet, means "to bring together, meld or fuse...to combine into one whole."  I must confess, I remained stumped for quite some time as I pondered this term, and I'm not sure I'm pleased at all with what my pen produced, but I'm laying it down here for you all to have a look at, and you can let me know where that pen may have strayed.  Rather than prattle on, I'll simply lead you to....

The End

Too new to yet be tainted
life...so vibrant....lost now
to the stark coldness
that comes with antiseptic
aromas, panicked shouts, alerts
alarms beeping
duct taped monitors
all you could afford
coat hangers do more
than keep wrinkles from your
top of the line three piece
you'll never admit to wearing
ripping, tearing, no air
save for a dime store ventilator
hiss, suck, hiss, suck

Mid-February
limbs bare, stripped down
North wind holds ransom
forgotten dreams of green
Ice scraping, bodies slipping
crimson clusters
skin tight
house freezing, chaffing
no funds to fuel the fire
empty hearth, empty heart
cold...so very cold
lips chapped
hiss, suck, hiss, suck
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Comments

Brian Miller said…
the stark coldness
that comes with antiseptic
aromas

hot line tash....some really nice wordplay there...also the sounds in the last line are rather haunting...

i def feel the homeless-ness in the second...or the lack of money to put oil in the furnace...ack...almost as bad...

wore a three piece suit once...that is def all i will admit...smiles.

feel it a bit in the first and though perhps you were going from having it all to having little and how similar that can be on some level but...
October 27, 2011 at 6:25 PM
Pat Hatt said…
You sure found your inspiration you were looking for
That and so much more
Smiled at the last line
Hope that's fine
Just like the way it rolled of the tongue
Hiss suck my bell has rung..haha
October 27, 2011 at 6:27 PM
Uneven Stephen said…
Awesome (and sad)! I struggled with the concept of conflation too, but I think you did a masterful job with this piece. Lots of good lines in here: "top of the line three piece" ... "dime store ventilator" ... "forgotten dreams of green". Great imagery too.
October 27, 2011 at 6:28 PM
Mystic_Mom said…
Very well done, lots of tension and a great use of images and sounds. I enjoyed this.
October 27, 2011 at 6:30 PM
Daydreamertoo said…
Sad, intense, raw and emotional. A very good write from you.
October 27, 2011 at 6:35 PM
mindy said…
Well Done Tasha. It's very cold and sad but very powerful! I was unsure of writing a poem without rhyming as that is my "safe" place but it seems you've mastered it. Well written!
October 27, 2011 at 6:41 PM
theborgpoet said…
Coat hangers do do more...the sounding of this poem rolled nicely across the spaces..and other nice sentiments.
October 27, 2011 at 6:43 PM
Unknown said…
Tash, amazing piece. There's definitely a coldness stringing through this piece- I love the relationship between the two stanzas is a poem of it's own. Great job, thanks
October 27, 2011 at 7:30 PM
Ed Pilolla said…
burrrr.
it is all that can be afforded.
feels like.
October 27, 2011 at 7:34 PM
Virginia Robert said…
Great write! I felt the starkness, the disconnect to humanity that we all feel. Thanks!
October 27, 2011 at 7:35 PM
Victoria Ceretto-Slotto said…
I like the rawness you create, Tash. Powerful poem, although perhaps I'm reading too much into it. "coathangers do more..." antispetics and the references to new life lost made me think of back room abortions gone wrong. Am I totally off base?
October 27, 2011 at 7:50 PM
hyperCRYPTICal said…
Great write - love the coldness that brings together the two stanzas. Excellent!

Anna :o]
October 27, 2011 at 8:36 PM
Scarlet said…
cold bitter end, and winter end...

i like this line:
empty hearth, empty heart

nice one ~
October 27, 2011 at 8:54 PM
Anonymous said…
Hi Tash--I tried to post a comment, but I think it was lost. I agree with Victoria in that I read the coat hanger line as referring to abortion. A lot of intense imagery here and sound.
October 27, 2011 at 9:24 PM
cj Schlottman said…
This poem makes me shiver. I add my voice to all the others who applaud your way with images in this very visual piece. I agree with manicddaily and see the coat hanger as a symbol of abortion. What could be more chilling?

Namaste...............cj
October 27, 2011 at 11:08 PM
Margaret said…
You have a great ability to paint an image in the mind.
October 27, 2011 at 11:27 PM
Laurie Kolp said…
This is so powerful and intense. Love how you tied together the coldness of the anteseptic to the coldness w/out heat. I agree with the others about the coathanger... vivid, sad.
October 27, 2011 at 11:38 PM
Sheila said…
Really like the hiss sick, lines - brings each stanza to life
October 28, 2011 at 12:45 AM
Claudia said…
whew natasha - this is intense...antiseptic
aromas, duct taped monitors..the use of sound...the cold...the emptiness...gave me shivers all over...love it...think you've done a great job...
October 28, 2011 at 12:46 AM
somewhereamelody said…
The suffocating feeling of the first piece contrasted with the intense cold of the second marry some vivid imagery. I love the way you connect the images with "hiss,suck,hiss". A desperate drawing of life from the darkness.
October 28, 2011 at 4:12 AM
kaykuala said…
Intense and and unsettling in all its realism. Emotional and lots of imagery! Awesome!

Hank
October 28, 2011 at 5:47 AM
Anonymous said…
Incredibly intense as though the view of existence by one discarded and forgotten. It gave me a sense of unease and familiarity at the same time. Powerful.

The challenge has me somewhat stumped as well... but it will not defeat me.

Beth
October 28, 2011 at 8:15 AM
Anonymous said…
Great work with this poem and the prompt, it’s potent and stirring with amazing imagery. I know all that's been said but I'm up early and not eloquent at this hour :).
October 28, 2011 at 10:43 AM
Anonymous said…
loved your comparison... description so vibrant... written so well... nice job... can't pick one line since all fit so nicely and connected so well
October 28, 2011 at 11:40 AM
hedgewitch said…
Tash, you have written a fine one here--bare and stripped, an assault on complacency, and with a terse and brilliant delivery, to boot. (I always wonder, to boot what?) Anyway--great great job. That first stanza seems impossible to top--then you do it in the second.
October 28, 2011 at 2:02 PM
Anonymous said…
so many great descriptors like

antiseptic aromas
duct taped monitors
crimson clusters

really put you there

and i love the contrast in :
empty hearth, empty heart

that could be a good title for another poem.... :)
October 28, 2011 at 4:10 PM
Anonymous said…
I love this:

"forgotten dreams of green
Ice scraping, bodies slipping
crimson clusters
skin tight"

And your repeating line works so well.


~arbitrarymeaning.blogspot.com
October 28, 2011 at 4:45 PM
libithina said…
"forgotten dreams of green" ~ antiseptic ~ cold ~
stark imagery weaved and brought together here Tash ~ cold harsh facts ~ that oil can't be found to even warm ~ 'empty heart
cold...so very cold' ~
Lib
October 28, 2011 at 8:04 PM
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