Suicide Watch
They expect me to be wallowing
broken and battered
blaming myself for life not having met with my expectations
They have never once questioned what those expectations were,
so, if we're being truthful, it's their own expectations for me
that gives cause for concern.
It's suicide watch on the down-low
Assumptions made based on my latest, random doodle
Ink blot mentality leaves little room for my voice
not that they'd listen anyway
They know best...they always have.
The lack of tears, of course, means there is misdirected fault
No skin off my back
I've been apologizing for the last thirty years
Accepting of the blame
in hopes of shutting them up.
Every dream I have ever sacrificed in my sick and twisted hunt for approval
Lies weighted at my feet in a mockery of ball and chain
Shackles I no longer accept responsibility for
finally finding the courage to beg release.
Would they feel better, I wonder
If I were to take this blade
and prove my addiction to attention
Just a sliver, not too deep
enough for them to feel needed, important, right
Take my medicine
cry like I'm supposed to
and never once tell them
I'm not scared anymore.
We're debuting TONY over at the pub today for OpenLinkNight...AKA @RadBeliever is no doubt polishing virtual glasses as we speak. Be sure to visit dVersePoets and give him a big, poetic, welcome. Linking up at 3pmEST
broken and battered
blaming myself for life not having met with my expectations
They have never once questioned what those expectations were,
so, if we're being truthful, it's their own expectations for me
that gives cause for concern.
It's suicide watch on the down-low
Assumptions made based on my latest, random doodle
Ink blot mentality leaves little room for my voice
not that they'd listen anyway
They know best...they always have.
The lack of tears, of course, means there is misdirected fault
No skin off my back
I've been apologizing for the last thirty years
Accepting of the blame
in hopes of shutting them up.
Every dream I have ever sacrificed in my sick and twisted hunt for approval
Lies weighted at my feet in a mockery of ball and chain
Shackles I no longer accept responsibility for
finally finding the courage to beg release.
Would they feel better, I wonder
If I were to take this blade
and prove my addiction to attention
Just a sliver, not too deep
enough for them to feel needed, important, right
Take my medicine
cry like I'm supposed to
and never once tell them
I'm not scared anymore.
We're debuting TONY over at the pub today for OpenLinkNight...AKA @RadBeliever is no doubt polishing virtual glasses as we speak. Be sure to visit dVersePoets and give him a big, poetic, welcome. Linking up at 3pmEST
Comments
Got those virtual glasses lined up and ready to go :-)
broken and battered
blaming myself for life not having met with my expectations
They have never once questioned what those expectations were,
so, if we're being truthful, it's their own expectations for me
that gives cause for concern."
This struck a chord with me. People like to project their idea of success on us all the time. I don't quite understand why. I suppose it's a vicarious desire to succeed through you, and on the other spectrum, to tear you down for their own disappointment in themselves.
"It's suicide watch on the down-low
Assumptions made based on my latest, random doodle
Ink blot mentality leaves little room for my voice
not that they'd listen anyway
They know best...they always have."
I've had talks with another poet Anna Montgomery about this. How people immediately assume that what you have written has to be about yourself. I suppose because poetry for one, is such a personal art. Most people assume you are the subject in the poem, or rather the voice is yours. Not a voice conjured from a creative mind to unveil a perspective. Trying on someone's shoes, become another person, for the sake of art, and understanding.
This is a beautiful and sad poem Tashtoo. Wonderfully written. A topic I think everyone can relate to at least to some extent.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
'It's suicide watch on the down-low
Assumptions made based on my latest, random doodle
Ink blot mentality leaves little room for my voice
not that they'd listen anyway
They know best...they always have.'
and, 'Every dream I have ever sacrificed in my sick and twisted hunt for approval
Lies weighted at my feet in a mockery of ball and chain'
And what a killer ending!
that gives cause for concern."
How sad the person that feels they must live up to the expectations of others. Sadder still the people that impose their disapproval on that person, that lay on the guilt and make them feel like they can never be "good enough." Really powerful stuff here, Natasha. Well penned.
but i know the company youre keeping.
it is hard to diverge from expectations. health is too problem focused. sometimes we need to let them know we are cranky, contrary, ok =).
The assumption made by some/many professionals that they know the patient best hinders/destroys any chance of actual care.
Some/many professionals never really listen rather tell the patient how THEY think they are progressing and so it goes on and on and on.
Sorry this is a bit rambling - half asleep.
Anna :o]
Madeleine Begun Kane